The Crossover To End All Crossovers: The Journal

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Bios!
Aradia
bitchyfaic wrote in tcteac
MAIN CHARACTERS

Ebony: The main character of My Immortal, the worst Harry Potter fanfic ever written. A deluded Mary Sue who thinks she's "goffik" and hates "pozrz" and "perpz". Best friends with the Mudkip. Considers herself to be a vampire, though this doesn't appear to be true. Also known as Enoby.

Edgeworth: A prosecutor, and Phoenix's rival. Recently revealed to be a sparkly vampire killing machine. Always wears fancy suits and cravats, and drinks lots of tea. Has an obsession with keeping his suit and cravat clean. Usually fails at doing so. Currently dating Ema.

Ema: An 18-year-old girl, and a wannabe scientific investigator. Is obsessed with Snackoos and, to an extent, Joel (who she later wound up marrying). The mother of Joel's child, Joel Jr. Transformed into a sparkly vampire by Edgeworth after dying in childbirth. Still hasn't mastered her powers yet, though. Is currently in a relationship with Edgeworth, though she and Joel are still technically married.

Erf: Gumshoe's pet and companion, a sweet, good-natured stray that Gumshoe now takes care of. Named after the sound of his bark.

Godot: Another prosecutor. Has a major coffee addiction--there is nearly always a coffee mug in his hands. Has debatable driving skills, which has led to many a crash. Wears a bizarre visor, which he cannot see without. Is overly confident at times.

Gumshoe: A poorly-paid, shabbily-dressed detective. Usually has a goofy demeanor, and is not the sharpest member of the group. Likes to point out the illegality of things. Extremely devoted to Edgeworth, and very protective of Pearl and Erf. Currently dead.

Jake: Ex-detective turned saloon owner. Thinks he's a cowboy. Lives in a ghost town in the middle of the Nevada desert. Currently traveling with the gang until they can pay him for a new saloon. Dislikes the way Godot "runs things". Knows how to cook a rattlesnake.

Joel: A brilliant scientist who is actually incredibly dumb. Sex-crazed. Mostly only looks out for himself. Married to Ema. Oddly fond of his daughter, who he is convinced is actually male. Has no sense of the value of human life. Frequently flashes back to when he accidentally killed his sister.

Joel Jr.: Joel and Ema's "son", who is actually a girl. A quick-to-learn child who glows slightly. Was conceived in an X-ray room. Takes after her daddy in a lot of ways. Currently dead.

Maya: Phoenix's assistant. A perpetually hungry spirit medium. Generally good-spirited, though somewhat useless. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, though she does mean well. Is convinced that Phoenix would fall apart without her constant presence, which is actually somewhat true.

Mudkip: A robotic Pokemon built by Joel. Loves Rya, and is always looking for her. Has a very tenuous grasp of the English language. Was recently made "goffik" by Ebony. Is very fond of water, despite being a robot.

Pearl: Maya's 9-year-old cousin. Considered to be a channeling prodigy. Has a cheerful, sweet attitude, and believes Phoenix and Maya were meant to be. Has recently taken a shine to Gumshoe.

Phil: A has-been superhero. Generally looks out for others, and constantly has to deal with Joel's wacky shenanigans. Devoted to Rya, who he is engaged to, and to whom he recently lost his virginity (sort of). Has more conservative values, and panics easily.

Phoenix: A famous-ish defense attorney. Usually the voice of reason during the gang's shenanigans. Not exactly leader material, and tends to rely on his friends for emotional support. Likes to object to things. Recently discovered alcohol and drugs.

Rya: A robot who became human (though she was originally human to begin with...I'm not gonna explain this here), was killed, and was brought back to life. Has been known to be something of a superbitch, and has also attempted suicide on multiple occasions. Has horrible facial scarring after being tortured by the woman who murdered her. This incident also led to her becoming mute, though Joel has since fixed this.

MINOR CHARACTERS AND VILLAINS

Not in alphabetical order, because I'm lazy.

Gant: Former chief of police turned rapist. Now a pile of gore, having been eaten by Edgeworth.

Diane: Phoenix's overbearing mother. Fairly flirtatious, despite being somewhat elderly. Is convinced that Phoenix and Maya are an item.

Cassidy: A seemingly nice girl who is actually a borderline sociopathic murderer. Her fondness for Phil has caused her to maim or kill several innocent people. Wears a bizarre pink top hat. Harbors a special hatred towards Rya, who finally snapped and killed her dead.

Jean: The flirtatious, highly effeminate owner of a shop at some random mall. Has a heavy, most likely fake French accent. Gives a whole new meaning to the word "gay".

Furio: Jean's gay lover, and a drug dealer. Once impersonated Phoenix, due to their similar hairstyles.

Manfred: Senior vampire of the Von Karma bloodline. Raised Edgeworth from a child and turned him into the prosecutor/vampire he is today. Was a pile of ashes at one point, but has since respawned because he's special like that.

Elly: Phil's former love interest. Obsessed with Joel. Tried to kill Ema, but then Ema flipped out and killed her instead.

June: Nobody cares about June.

Ria: Rya's "sister" of sorts. Created in case Joel failed at reviving Rya. Is pretty much her polar opposite--cheerful, perky, loving, and very fond of the Mudkip. Calls Erf "Huggie Bear" for some reason.

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